Soundtrack of my Life – Entry #18 – “Bridge over Troubled Water”

I’ve been through my fair share of crap, although admittedly, my life has been much easier than some others I’ve known. I have found that many things in life are cyclical in nature, and my existence is definitely on the same type of track. It seems that every decade, or so, something comes in and disrupts my “norm,” causing me to totally change the way I think or react to certain situations. I have been standing at my next crossroad for a while now, unable to commit to a direction.

For the most part, decisions have been made for me up until now, it was just what was done, I suppose. The next step in the progression, the next responsibility that requires attention, the next expected response. They have been automatic for me, a no-brainer if you will since I had little ones relying on me to build a future for our family. But the future is here, and it isn’t what I imagined I was building, and the little ones are now off doing their thing and making their own decisions based on what life is throwing at them. I am happy for them and proud of the adults they’ve become, but it leaves me in a strange and, sometimes, scary place. A place where the decisions I make are no longer automatic or easy.

I know I will sort things out, I always do, and the one thing that has gotten me through the trials is the knowledge that my network is there to help me when I just can’t quite get there on my own. The support I get from my family and friends is the only reason I have been able to cross over the troubled waters of my life without concern that I will fall into the crashing waves. They have built a bridge for me, much like the one sung about in the song I’m adding to my Soundtrack today.

Everything I’ve accomplished so far has been because of my unrelenting desire to learn and better myself. But without a support system in place, I am not sure I would have been able to get as far as I have. Because my network allows me to test the waters in some pretty scary areas of my life, I have been able to expand my life experiences, which in turn allows me to write from a more vibrant place. Their belief in me and what I am able to achieve allows me to follow my heart and chase my dream of being an author at this late stage in my life.

Choices were much easier when I was younger, since I knew if I made the wrong one, I would have time to correct my mistake. Now that I’m older, I don’t feel like I have that luxury. Weighing all of the pros and cons and making the best decision for myself possible is what I need to do, but I also need to balance that with not taking forever to make the decision in the first place. There is a constant level of frustration for me right now, especially when the thing I am doing is at complete odds with the thing I want most to be doing. I know I need to be patient, my 2019 theme word conveniently, and it will come. When it does, I will take that bridge running and I won’t look back. Anyone who knows me, knows I am speaking my truth.

So I will be standing at this crossroad a bit longer, but I have come to terms with the reasons for my hesitation. Knowing the why is half the battle, and when the time comes, I will be able to cross the bridge into the future I envision for myself, knowing my dreams are there waiting for me. XO


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