Soundtrack of my Life – Entry 36 – Who Knew – P!nk – D.A. Henneman

I was lucky enough to see P!nk in concert in early November in Louisville, KY, and the image of her flying through the stadium to “Just Like Fire” is one I don’t think I will ever forget. She owned that space for the night. She is an artist in every sense of the word, and if you ever have a chance to see her I highly recommend it. However, that wasn’t the song that spoke to me that night.

I’ve seen my fair share of loss in the last few years, personally, in my community, and in the world, and this song really hit home that night. But perhaps not in the way she meant when she wrote it. Songs are funny that way, they have different meanings for different people. Similar to writing I suppose. For me, the phrase “who knew” is what got to me. I am coming out of a long period of mourning for unexpected losses, and this song really resonated in that vein. It is a simple question… one we all know the answer to, but we live our lives avoiding the reality of it until the time arrives. Sometimes it is expected, sometimes it shows up suddenly and without a soft touch, but it always comes. And when it does, we do our best to manage the pain and honor their spirits. But then what comes next?

It’s been a process for me, one that started years ago with Cancer, and one that I am still navigating if I’m being honest. My relationship with purpose, loss, creativity, passion, death, forgiveness, and regret, has been put out for the world to see in several essays as well as my fiction. It was a huge theme in my latest release, Web Of Lies, and I believe my current work will have just as much to say about the topic. Perhaps more. The point is, we all know it will happen, the piece we don’t always know is when. The important thing to me is making sure that when the time comes, the people in my life know how I feel about them. I’ve been better about saying it. If I haven’t seen you in some time and you are reading this… I love you.

“If someone said three years from now…You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out,
‘Cause they’re all wrong…
I know better ’cause you said forever, and ever…Who knew?“

— P!nk – Who Knew?

Ultimately, if you are down to your last few days what is going to be most important to you? Going to work? Finishing that email? I highly doubt it. Hate to break it to you, (and I am speaking to myself in this one) if something happened to you, your workplace would have you replaced in a matter of weeks. I tend to pour my all into whatever I do, and it took a great deal of soul-searching to realize I was pouring myself into the wrong container… one that I didn’t have any control over. There has been a shift that most won’t notice and those that do will have to get used to the new boundaries. I finally feel like I can breathe and as strange as it is, I believe in a lot of ways death has given me my life back.

It goes without saying they are missed… all of them. And I can’t help but think that if we thought more about death the world would be a kinder place overall. Because at the end of the day, what is it all for? Money? Fame? Power? For what? Are those things going to be there holding your hand when you take your last breath? There are some people I really wish I could pose this question to because I believe if they could sit with the answer for just a few minutes, it might change the way they present themselves in the world.

So, I’ll leave you with a gentle reminder to let the people in your life know you love them, spend some time with those whom you haven’t seen in some time, and share a kind word with a stranger. You could have three decades, years, hours, minutes. It could be more or less, but at the end of the day, you don’t want to be the one to ask the question “who knew,” because, bottom line, we all should really know the answer by now.

As always, thank you for sharing this journey with me, and for taking the time out of your day to read my thoughts. It means a lot. For anyone interested in what I write, please feel free to stay awhile and poke around on my website. I have a ton of content I’ve been developing over the years and I would love to get your thoughts on it.

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