I won’t go into too many personal details here, but I will say that Miss Swift hit the nail on the head when it came to describing the life of a creative with this song. I would also argue it is especially true as it relates to being a woman, however, since I can’t possibly know how it feels to be anyone else but myself I will limit my comments to my own experiences.
This Song! When I heard it I cried. For her… but mostly for myself.
What a relief to have someone sum up so beautifully the sad reality that nobody truly knows what someone is going through, even when pieces of the truth are shared. And while help and comfort are offered openly to those who ask for it, it is often the ones who don’t ask for help who suffer the most… in the darkest silence. We don’t always think to check on the quiet ones, the ones who seem to have it all together, the ones who are capable. This song is an important reminder to check in and let your introverted friends know you are there for them if they need you.
My life as a creative is complicated and I describe myself as an introvert who does extrovert pretty well. I can’t create in a vacuum, but I don’t particularly like to be out socializing. My words flow best when my well of inspiration is full and I have been out in nature, but I don’t always like leaving the house. I can go months without writing so much as a new sentence, then binge-write an entire story in a few days. I work a day job to support my author business but wish (and say it daily) that I didn’t have to. The day job is entirely where my head goes when I think of this song, however, I have had other experiences which fit just as well.
“I cry a lot but I am so productive, it’s an art. You know you’re good when you can even do it, With a broken heart.“
Taylor Swift, I Can Do It With A Broken Heart
The last few years have been rough and my creativity took a big hit. The first part of healing for me was to recognize I was in burnout, but by the time I did, more things happened around me which caused the already drained well to deepen. We are talking a full-on excavator was in there digging at the bottom like it was trying to get through to the other side. Of what? I’m not sure, but it wasn’t pretty.
My creativity was on life support, I was withdrawing from the writing community, and pulling back on social functions. I also had huge projects at work which stressed out my already struggling Muse and that is where this song comes in. The phrase “I smile like it’s my birthday” pretty much describes what I did to get through it all. I can’t help but think that my co-workers believed that I was just crabby that day, perhaps woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or at best, needed to sequester myself to meet a deadline. It couldn’t have been further from the truth. My life was falling apart, and I didn’t want them to see the tears, my sign of weakness. I was reprimanded for things I couldn’t control, and which, at the end of the day, only matter to people who were raised in a society that believes your worth is shown by the number of hours you sit behind a desk “working.” If you are efficient and get the job quicker, you are rewarded with more work. It’s a sucky cycle.
Now that I’m finally out of the burnout pit, I realize that I needed more help than I allowed myself to ask for. Apparently, that was a life lesson I needed to learn the hard way. It has caused me to place boundaries where there were none, to prioritize what is most important to me, and to put myself a little higher up on the ladder than I was before. I am aware of my triggers, know what I am capable of, and am much more reasonable when it comes to scheduling time for tasks. I also came out of it with the knowledge that while I can do things with a broken heart, it isn’t always the best thing for me to pressure myself to do so. Sometimes you just need to rest, call in, or even disappoint someone by not making a deadline. My future looks a whole lot different now and my step is much lighter because of it. Do I have relapses? Of course I do, I’m only human, after all. But I recognize the spiral now and I am able to stop it before it gets too out of control. Go me!
Thank you, Taylor, for The Tortured Poets Department album and especially for this song. I have a feeling that a lot of what went into this album were things you weren’t able to say along the way, feelings you had to repress because the show must go on, and I applaud you for finally allowing them to see the light. This album is a creative masterpiece and you should be very proud of it. You are truly an inspiration to this older creative just learning to embrace her journey! May the Muse be with us both!
As always, thank you for sharing this journey with me, and for taking the time out of your day to read my thoughts. It means a lot. For anyone interested in my writing please feel free to stay awhile and poke around on my website. I have a ton of content I’ve been developing over the years and I would love to get your thoughts on it.
For my Power of Four series, the best link is:
For my Goddesses in Love series, the best link is:
For my Mythical Creatures posts, head over to:
https://dahenneman.com/welcome/about/mythicalcreaturemonday-posts/
For more Soundtrack of my Life posts:
https://dahenneman.com/welcome/about/the-soundtrack-of-my-life/
And for my Shorts and Tidbits:
https://dahenneman.com/welcome/about/current-thoughts/short-stories/
As always, I hope this post finds you happy and healthy. Until next time! XO
D.A. Henneman - Romance Author 